Somebody has to kill the Babysitter

Over the course of this past thanksgiving weekend I had an opportunity to re-watch a cable TV classic (i would never actively seek the movie out but when it is on TV I will stop and watch).  The hilariously dark comedy Cable Guy was on and I stopped to watch.  Now cable guy might be my third or fourth favorite Jim Carey movie, behind 1. Dumb and Dumber 2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind 3. Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, and I don't think it even has that many laugh out loud moments (the basketball scene, the medival times scene,  the karaoke scene  and the part where he pretends to walk down a flight of stairs).  The reason I like it most is not because it points out the hilarity of speech impediments and schizophrenia (Me, Myself and Irene is another hilarious film made by Mr. Carey that finds the hilarity in mental illness).  The main reason for enjoyment is that I know my mom hates it.  She thinks it is a movie making light of a sick person and his problems, she also feels awful that she took me and my friends to see for my birthday when I was like 10.  She thought it was terribly inappropriate and was upset that she exposed our young minds to such a grotesque comedy (she is easily offended).  Every time me and my brothers find it on TV she leaves the room and shouts at us from the other room every time she hears us laugh... "He's SICK!  its a SICK movie!".  This most recent viewing i think i picked up a subtle subtext to the movie.  I think there was a message buried under all the old TV references.  And it is this message i would like to relay to you this evening.

TV sucks.  Not all TV...there are quite a few exceptions to the rule but this might amount to 2-3 hours a week (4-5 when/if LOST and Battlestar Galactica return also this number might increase quite a bit if you get HBO).  Seeing as the week is made up of 168 hours of television programing and there probably 6-7 stations commited to producing "original" television (the rest focus on reruns, design shows, reality tv and reruns of design reality shows).  That is approximately 1092 hours of programming (i realize prime time is only a fraction of that but i'm trying to make a point).  The makers of televison get it right about 0.2% of the time.  This has probably been true for a long time and I am not the first to stumble across this.  I think the equation for crap has become increasingly obvious.  The makers of television have a fool proof system of making shows that will fail.  You start with a recognizable actor who is either looking to restart his/her career or springboard from one successful show to one of his/her own.  They play the part of a cop/doctor/crime scene investigator/secret agent/husband/wife and sometimes all at the same time. You add a sexy-talentless co-star and land a few important sponsors so your main character drives the latest american made automobile and uses the best Dell computer and the coolest cell phone that Verizon will give away for free in few weeks and it will look dated if the show ever gets to reruns.  sprinkle with a hint of sex.  then you can just sit back and watch no one watch.  The best shows are filled with actors you have never heard of before.  The story and characters were written well before casting ever began.  Famous actors are not necessarily the problem they are fine when they are on the peripheral and simply support the story (ie Alec Baldwin in 30 Rock and Tracy Morgan in 30 Rock...Tina Fey is just plain funny and she was obviously allowed to make the show she wanted.  that is why that show is a success).   The problem is assuming people will be lured into watch anything with a familar face on it (Oh look its the brother from "Everybody Loves Raymond" and the lady from that PI show that is often advertised but i have never seen it...oh and they are bickering about married life...what a treat).

anyway,  I was gonna try to delve into this deeper but i'm sure i am testing your patience as it and if you disagree with my ideas I would love to hear your exception to my rule.  I will gladly explain why your example a) is the exception that proves the rule or b) makes you an awful human being and you should never be allowed to have a Neilson's Ratings box attached to your TV. 

I am going to attempt a little experiment (its okay.  I'm a scientist)  I'm gonna watch TV only when I know there is a good show on (this may require a TV guide).  This will most likely make me feel like I am paying too much for cable and it will also free up some time for other things.  What are these other things?  I will tell you when I figure that out...it will probably involve spending more time on the Internet seeing as winter is quickly approaching and outdoor activities are becoming cold.  A few moments specifically lead me to this decision i) I have a strategy for Deal or No Deal (but i do not see the banker as an adversary yet).  This is the equivalent to having a Rock Paper Scissors strategy but without the real world applications. ii) I successfully deconstructed the stupidity of celebrity reality TV(oxymoron?) while watching Brooke Knows Best.  The fact that i had to figure it out rather than just rely on my gut instinct that these shows are stupid...its pretty obvious...was most disheartening.

On a Completely unrelated note...I just saw that Vicky Christina Barcelona movie.  I did not realize it was a Woody Allen Movie.  It was pretty funny and made Barcelona look like a different planet.  I was mostly upset with the casting of Javier Bardem as a bohemian painter who seduces Scarlet Johansson and Penelope Cruz (very funny in this movie...i did not know she spoke spanish).   After he played that guy in No Country For Old Men he should be barred from playing the romantic lead FOREVER.   This is like Freddy Kruger being cast by John Hughes to play the part of Jake Ryan opposite Molly Rigwald in Sixteen Candles.

New Lens

New Lens, originally uploaded by mmilway.

I got myself a new lens. I can't zoom at all with it and i have to manual focus everything. the shallow depth of field is well worth it. hopefully i will get a lot of use out of it and post more pictures that are slightly more interesting.  If you click on the picture it will take you to its flickr home.  make sure you click on the "All sizes" icon to see a bigger version of it.

My attempt at reviewing things II: spoiler alert not required

Seeing as I have already mastered music reviews (thats right I just linked to my own blog!  google watch out) and this concept has spawned a whole cottage industry of websites, I figure I would retire from music reviews at the top of my game.  So in light of all this I'm gonna tell you what I think of the movie I just saw.  Movie reviews are always tough.  I hate reading them because they often give too much away and I will try my best not to do that.  I have chosen a movie that has been out for some time so if you wanted to see it in the first place you would have already seen it and my review will have no baring on your life or opinion.  I will however be short on the plot details because there are people out there who might want to rent it and I will be keep the praise to a minimum to keep your expectations in check.  If you never planned on watching it or are actively boycotting the movie I will try to balance my restrained praise with some vague criticism so you feel that a) you didn't miss out on a cinematic event and b) you feel good about avoiding a movie that you probably wouldn't have enjoyed.  So now that I have given everyone no reason to continue reading...

Hamlet 2 is a not-so offensive movie about an offensive high school musical.   Steve Coogan is funny, Cathrine Keener is good, Elizabeth Shue is charming and Robert Downy Jr. was not in this movie.  The writing was ok and there were a few laugh-out-loud moments that were not prominently featured in the trailer...but I won't give them away.  As a whole I thought the evening was not a complete waste of time.  I will probably not watch the movie again and may not think about it too deeply after I finish this post....But it was funny and not as offensive as I was expecting...mind you, I am a white, internet savy, man (kinda) who does not easily offend.  Would I recommend it? Yes and No.  Could I be anymore vague about why I may or may not have liked it? Kinda.  Did I just master movie reviews? Probably.

Right around the highly publicized big music number entitled "Rock Me Sexy Jesus" I thought to myself: this movie would be better if it made reference to the story/plot/characters/themes of the original Hamlet. (spoiler alert/vital plot information that is in the movies title and tagline: the main character tries to take the tragedy out of the original (prequel?) by giving Hamlet a time machine so he can learn from his mistakes and change the consequences of his actions (or lack thereof))   Then I realized I have not read Hamlet since like grade 10 and I'm not even sure if I finished it.  Back then I thought they made us read that stuff because Shakespeare wrote in a funny way and the only goal of the class was to decipher basic plot points.  I probably knew the basics of hamlet back then and only built upon that based on inferences from vague pop culture references and double jeopardy answers.   So the whole movie could have been incredibly insightful.  It may have even related the story and lessons of of one of literatures greatest works (so i'm told) to modern times.  It might be the perfect tool for high school english teachers (not catholic school) to show their students the beauty of Hamlet.  But it might not have, what do I know.

Why don't you watch it...or not.

Look out for my future reviews.  I am reading a book if I finish it I will let you know.  I'm also probably gonna give up on the whole movie reviews (they are hard!) and just review some of the latest movie trailers...that seems much easier.

Right as rain

Right as rain, originally uploaded by mmilway.

It seems to have been raining a lot here.

Coming or Going

Click it to see it bigger!

Reflecting on Safety

Let down of a week...but what a great blog post.

I know many of you have been on the edge of your seat to hear all about my legal escapades and my adventures in algae.  Both were sub par (Note: when i say "sub par" I mean worse than expected even though in the game of golf, where "par" is most often discussed, under par is a good thing)

I went to the court house to testify against the criminal mastermind that stole my bike and caused my unspeakable mental unrest!  I was really looking forward to getting into the courtroom and forcing some tears.  At the very least I was hoping to get a portrait drawn by the court room sketch artist.  My hopes were pushed to even greater heights when the prosecution attorney (a UWO grad!) mentioned witness pay!  Not only was I gonna get to sit in a witness box (a personal dream of mine) but I was gonna get paid for it.  This was truly going to be a day for the ages.  Blog fodder for weeks to come!  Before I got my shot they had to do some sentencing  in another trial so I waited in the crown's witness waiting room with the guy who bought my bike off the defendant.  We got to talk about how our lives had been forever changed by this act of larceny (I'm not sure if the Island has a victim's support group, but i guess this would have to do.)  After the escorting the defendant from the previous trial out of the courtroom in leg shackles I was sure that my case would be up next.  I started my witness preparations.  Tissues, Check. Clear voice, check.  Getting the waterworks ready (mentally replaying that scene from Rudy where Rudy's father comes into the Notre Dame Stadium for the first time and declares that it is the greatest sight his eyes have ever seen), Check.  Prepareing to answer the question "Do you see the man who stole your bike anywhere in this courtroom? Could you point him out?", Check.  (Note: I never saw the guy so i would have answered no but i think the perjury charge would have been worth it).  Ready to defend myself when the high priced defense attorney cross-examines me and goes after my credibility, Check.

I was ready to go when in walks the officer in charge of the case and he tells us to go home.  The jerk struck a last minute plea.  And I was unceremoniously stripped of my right to testify!  I wasted the majority of my morning.  I got dressed up for this!  I wore a belt for this!  I even showered for this!  Let me testify!  The worst part of it all...I wasn't a witness thus no witness pay!  I've said it before and I'll say it again: The System Doesn't Work!

In Algae News,  not much to report.  Last Friday I started 1000L of algae.  It was a real rush job. some grew some did not.  My expectations were low so it turned out to be par for the course.  I'm growing more this week and can't wait for this whole episode to come to an end.

Here is a picture with some bubbling vats of potential algae.  Note that I was not expecting the picture so that is not a pose.  But I did demand that they take the picture with the Elizabeth Taylor soft filter on it.

So what is next for me and this tiny island community...Tropical Storm Kyle!

According to the weather network it is headed right for the Maritimes and should be dropping rain on us by Sunday night.  They also said that we can expect power outages because all the tress have their leaves still and a few will probably get knocked over taking some power lines with it.  Why do we put all our power lines directly below trees?  We are really asking for a power outage!  I am only kinda worried about this because I live in downtown Charlottetown.   The priority will be to get that power back up as soon as possible because if the tourist can't get into the Anne of Green Gables Store on Monday the economy will come to a complete halt.  Also I'm sure I'll survive with out electricity.  As long as I have my internet, computer, TV and PS2 I'll be fine.  I try not to use my lights very much anyway and no alarm clock would be a blessing in disguise!

Anyway.  I should probably get to the store before all storm supplies are scooped up!  I got my storm survival list already written:

• Beer
• some DVDs...to kill time before the power comes back
• candles
  
• Solar Powered Flash Light...i'm pretty close to NFLD
• Frozen Dinners

that should do it for now.